Bunny and David: Steam Powered Giraffe, Bunny Comes Out
by hailno
Summary: Bunny Bennett of the band Steam Powered Giraffe has planned to come out as trans to her brother David Michael Bennett for a long time, but she has become overwhelmed and can't take it anymore. It is a good thing he is always there for her...


Bunny's Coming Out to David:

Bunny sat on her bed, well, half sitting half collapsed. "You have to do it," she thought to herself "You have to. You owe it to him and yourself"

She pulled herself off the bed and walked into her bathroom. God. Who was this man in the mirror? Not her. Not the real Bunny. "I'll take a shower to calm my nerves," she thought.

Bunny pulled off her black and white striped shirt, the one that had become a trademark, and her jeans and stepped into the shower. She cranked the water to its hottest temp and let it wash over her. She wasn't one to waste water, both to help the environment and because California's water bills are ridiculous… but this time she made an exception.

"I know it will be okay." She whispered, barely allowing her mouth to make any sound. She crossed her arms over her body and rested them on either shoulder. She closed her eyes and tried not to think about anything. She could feel her arms touching her chest. The place where there should be breasts. She hated her body.

The water rushed around her. The shower had never seemed so loud. It was deafening.

Bunny noticed her heartbeat. It was racing so fast and hard it was like one giant bass drum reverberating through her whole body. Despite the warm water, she was shaking. Her chest hurt. Ow. Shit. She inhaled. How long had it been since she had breathed? "I'm so broken I can't even breathe right." Bunny thought to herself. "How can other people understand all of it when my knowing tears me apart like this?" She looked up and let the warm water roll down her face and onto her chest and arms; she thought about her brother.

"David, I'm so sorry. You never asked for this." She thought, her throat tightening, "I'm just so very broken. I cannot keep everything in. I can't keep going like this. I feel constricted by my own skin, it is my birth given straightjacket that gets tighter every day. I know you know I am different. You know I like women's clothing. It's so much more and I'm so very sorry. I'm broken, I'm perverted, I'm disgusting. I…I'm.. I'm just so sorry. I'm so sorry, I'm broken…I'm so sorry" She slid down the shower wall and sat huddled on the floor. She was in tears. She was shaking and didn't know when, but her hands had at some point moved to her head. She pressed her palms to her temples and let her body trimmer.

Choked sobs escaped her throat. "I'm sorry" she sobbed over and over. She wasn't thinking. She wasn't there anymore. Someone else had taken over her body and was shaking her furiously. She couldn't feel it anymore. She knew the tub floor was cold, but her skin was numb. She knew her mind was racing, but that was numb too.

Through the water and tears, she noticed her companion on the floor… a single shower razor. She reached out to grab the small blue friend she had made. This little fella could end her troubles. "It's new…and sharp" Bunny thought, holing up the razor slightly. The blades shone brightly against the white floor of the bathtub. She wanted to snap back, she wanted to stop herself…but Bunny wasn't there anymore. Bunny was cold and wet and shaking sobbing and could almost be heard off somewhere in the distance shouting, "I'm sorry!" through tears.

Someone else was holding the razor, not Bunny. She wouldn't have the courage.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry," She didn't think. She didn't hesitate. She pushed the razor into her forearm and drug it to the side.

"I'm sorry, I'm so sor-Ahhh" Bunny screamed, dropped the razor and grabbed her left arm. She shook harder and choked on her tears, her fingers wrapped tightly around her wrist.

Red blood streamed from between her fingers and turned pink as it met the water pooled on the shower floor. It was warm. It was the only warmth she had felt in a long time. Bunny became aware of the repetitive "I'm sorry" pouring out of her mouth. It echoed off the tile of the bathroom. It didn't sound like her voice, or like they were real words. She let them lull her for a bit. Allowing the repetitive apology and her sobs, that didn't seem like her sobs, be her company.

She hesitantly moved her fingers from her wrist, holding the palm of her injured hand to stop it from violently shaking so she could look at what she'd done.

Covered in blood was a cut… it was too shallow. Two separate lines that thinned into one over about four inches. "You didn't push hard enough," she thought, only stopping her repetitive "I'm sorry" for a second, to cough on her tears. "You'll have to do it again, this will never do."

Bunny laid, her hands clasped and the shower still sputtering. She was too broken even to fix herself in this way. She couldn't do anything right. She didn't deserve to live anymore, and she couldn't even get this right

.

"**Bunny? Are you okay?" David rapped on the bathroom door. He wasn't supposed to be home yet.**

She tried to regain control of her own voice and her words as she reached again for the bloody razor.

"**Bunny who are you talking to?" David knocked harder "Bunny? Bunny answer me!"**

Her cheeks hurt and her voice was shaking, but again she was in control, "I'm sorry I'm sorry, I'm sorry,"

"**What the hell are you doing?!" he shouted, slamming his fist on the door with enough force to rattle the hinges.**

She held the razor again, working up her courage, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry…"

"**GOD DAMMIT CHRISTOPHER!" David screamed, throwing himself against the door breaking the top hinge and causing the door to slam open.** **He ripped back the shower curtain and saw his brother lying on the floor of the bathtub, naked, sobbing, covered in blood, and holding a razor to her wrist. "WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO?!" He shouted.**

** He wrenched the razor out of Bunny's shaking hand and grabbed under her arms, pulling her out of the tub as Bunny whispered, **"I'm sorry, I'm sorry."

"**Oh, my God. Gabi call the police! Wait outside!" David yelled. **

**David desperately tried to pull his brother out of the pink water that had collected in the tub. He got her to the floor, Bunny's torso on David's lap and his arms tightly wrapped around his brother. David grabbed the towel hanging from the rod and pushed it to Bunny's forearm. "Christopher, hey! Christopher! Is this the only place you hurt yourself? Are you bleeding anywhere else?" David asked, turning Bunny's head to face him with one hand and pushing the towel to her bloody arm with the other. **

Bunny wanted to answer, but only more tears came to her eyes along with "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry."

**"Christopher," David said pleadingly, looking over Bunny's body, to make sure there wasn't another source of blood. **

Bunny couldn't move, she shook in her brothers arms, sobbing and choking and coughing. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'M SORRY! I'M SORRY!"

** "Look at me, look at me," David took Bunny's face in one hand, turning so he could see his twins eyes. "Shhh, it's okay. Bunny, it is okay. Shhhh."**

"NO!" Bunny screamed "NO NO NO, YOU HAVE TO LET ME GO! I'M BROKEN! I'M SO FUCKING BROKEN! PLEASE, NO! I'M SORRY! PLEASE!" She tried to push David away but he protectively held her. She was too weak to fight him. She collapsed, shaking from tears and shivering from the cold.

** David held protectively onto Bunny, he could feel her heart thudding underneath his arms. "Shhhh," he said. He lifted the towel to see that the cut had nearly stopped bleeding. "Shhhh, no. Bunny you aren't broken." His voice shook at his eyes clouded with tears. "I thought I had lost you. I thought I had lost my brother," he said as tears softly began to roll down his cheeks.**

"David, I am so broken," Bunny sobbed

"**No, no. We can fix it." David spoke into Bunny's shoulder.**

"I am unfixable."

**"I love you, so much. You'll be okay."**

"David I can't be your brother!" Bunny wailed, then softly said "I am not a man."

**"It's okay, we can fix everything. You are so brave, so fucking brave."**

"No, no," Bunny whispered more quietly, his uninjured hand in a tight fist against his mouth; both buried themselves in David's T-shirt. "I am a girl."

**The tears on David's face fell more quickly now. His arms tightened around his sibling. In that moment, he realized just how frail and how vulnerable she was. He didn't speak for a moment, the only sound was the small quiet sounds of someone who had nearly died seconds ago. **

** "I love you. I could have lost you. I almost lost my sister." He kissed the top of her head, and let his tears fall.**

The sound of sirens approaching caused the shaking to worsen and Bunny again started to whisper, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry,"

**David grabbed and held tightly his sisters uninjured hand… "Shhhh, I love you Bunny. It's okay. It's okay. It's okay."**

The End


End file.
